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Being an Emotionally Intelligent Leader


Being an Emotionally Intelligent Leader

Being an Emotionally Intelligent Leader

Being an emotionally intelligent leader may sound like a challenge, or a farce or maybe a task that may not reward?  However, the evidence continues to build for emotional intelligence and how it impacts everything from productivity to rapport to leadership.   Here is an excellent business case for emotional intelligence.  For instance, according to the Center for Creative Leadership, one study shows that the primary causes for derailment in executives involves deficits in emotional intelligence.  This research points to qualities like difficulty working in teams, problems with interpersonal relations and challenges with handling change.

Being an emotionally intelligent leader doesn’t mean losing track of specific goals, directives or the hard data that often drives decisions.  Having emotional intelligence may mean changing how we communicate and engage with others.  First let’s define what emotional intelligence is –

What exactly is Emotional Intelligence? 

My short answer for this is that someone’s emotional intelligence is their ability to understand, communicate and empathize with their own emotions and other people’s emotions.  However, the standard definition is – emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to monitor one’s own and other people’s emotions, to discriminate between different emotions and label them appropriately, and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior.

How to Improve Emotional Intelligence?

Often time’s organizations will bring in individual executive coaches or leadership coaches to work with employees within the organization on building emotional intelligence.  In addition, utilizing assessment tools with individuals and teams that help to build empathy and understanding of each other’s strengths is another way to build emotional intelligence in the individual or group.

Within the context of leadership, leaders may benefit from working towards building the following skills (all related to improving their emotional intelligence).

Three tips to improve emotional intelligence

  • Improving empathy towards employees through exploring their strengths and specific styles as well as how these styles can be complimentary to others within the team/organization.
  • Improving empathy towards one self through improving self-care practices, self-reflection, and self-awareness.
  • Exploring communication style and understanding strengths and blind spots in how they communicate as it relates to the leader’s ability to connect with employees.

Leadership is certainly not limited to the organization.  We can improve our leadership skills as individuals through understanding how we engage as friends, partners, relatives or parents for instance.  There is always opportunity to build our leadership skills.

Here are a few examples of how to improve your leadership in other avenues of life outside of the corporate world –

Emotionally Intelligent Leader as a Parent

Emotional Intelligence is quickly becoming recognized as a key factor that determines not only good leadership but also a crucial factor in how people communicate, interact and collaborate as adults.  The implications here are huge as children move into becoming independent adults. Consider these tips –

  • Teaching children to communicate their feelings at an early age can help with development of emotional intelligence.
  • Supporting children in expression of their own emotions, recognition of emotion in others and providing guidance in ways to be expressive can be helpful.

In my professional opinion, teaching children how to express themselves and recognize emotion in others is just as important as academics.  Given the later implications for how this may impact career and relationships, it seems that this is a crucial part of educational development.

Since we have seen such a rise in emotional intelligence being an important factor in an employee’s ability to lead as well as interact with others, the risks of not developing emotional intelligence may be great.  In addition, we see communication and ability to express one’s self being influential factors in relationships, both intimate and professional.  The risk of not developing emotional intelligence may be multifaceted for adults.

Emotionally Intelligent Leader as a Partner

Being able to improve our ability to empathize and understand our own emotions as well as others is particularly important with our significant others.  But how does one lead with these qualities?  Building a strong connection and leading with emotional intelligence in relationships can be expressed in a number of ways. Consider these tips to practice emotional intelligence with your partner –

  • Practice offering empathy, asking questions and being curious. Instead of making assumptions about your partner, remain more curious about truly understanding their feelings, perspectives and states of being.
  • Explore your own assumptions and sense of feelings. Being willing to be vulnerable with your partner shows leadership in emotional intelligence and offers an invitation to connect on a deeper level.

Emotionally Intelligent Leader as a friend

Even in our friendships we always have the opportunity to model what kind of relationship we are wanting to engage in and how we want the dynamic to exist.  Part of the challenge around this is first understanding what kinds of friendships you want to cultivate as well as how you want your current friendships to change, or not.

Being an emotionally intelligent leader among friends doesn’t mean you are guiding your friend’s behavior.   Being a leader is about setting example, inspiring and living congruently to your own values and principles.  This way of being is always possible in any relationship, leaving the opportunity to be a leader always an option.

Consider these tips for being an emotionally intelligent leader as a friend-

  • Understand your own boundaries, values and principles and be willing to communicate them. Some people may push back on this but the kind of friends that truly identify with you will resonate more strongly if you are clear about who you are and where you stand.
  • Communicate the kind of friendship that you expect. Being able to communicate clearly with friends about your own expectations, feelings and experiences will help to build stronger connections and model the kind of dynamic you hope to create.
  • Remain curious. When in conversations don’t wait until someone is done speaking so that you can respond.  Really try and remain curious about who they are and the message they are portraying.  Building curiosity rather than response will strengthen connection and impress upon your friends that you are truly invested in what they have to say.


How have you worked towards building emotionally intelligence in your life?

How was it helpful?

Did this shift any of your personal or work relationships?

Share in the comments below.

Have a great day!


P.S. If you are curious to learn more about personal development, workplace challenges, interpersonal dynamics, goal achievement and a wide variety of other topics, sign up today! www.www.arcintegrated.com/newsletter.  It’s totally free.

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Expressing Your Anger at Work


Expressing Your Anger at Work

Expressing Your Anger at Work

Getting frustrated at work is common.  However, how you express it or don’t, may greatly influence the environment that you’re in, as well as future opportunity.  While expressing your anger at work may be generally frowned upon, there are certainly strategies that will help with this process.  Consider these three tips below when expressing your anger at work.

  1. Timing is important – Remember that when you are anger this may not be the time to resolve an issue. However, coming back to a situation after decompressing and letting the parties involved know how it impacted you will allow you to be a better communicator and express the importance of the situation, improving the likelihood of resolution.
  2. Understand what helps you decompress – Having an understanding of what kinds of strategies are most effective for you in reducing anger is important.  This may be walking, exercise, writing, listening to music or a wide variety of other things.  Taking the time to explore what works best will benefit you in the long run and give you the chance to effectively express and reduce anger instead of letting it become a problem.
  3. Remember the context – This is a very important component. Even though telling someone exactly how you feel may seem like the best idea at the time, the context may suggest otherwise.  Being mindful of how and where you are expressing anger, if at all, may be a very important factor to consider.

The better question to ask may be how to reduce anger in general.  Understanding how to control our feelings may be beneficial in many different environments. Having the ability to respond to events rather than react, may serve us well.  If we know how to control our sense of reactivity then we may respond in a more appropriate way. Understanding ourselves, how we respond/react and triggers that we have, may involve some self-exploration.

Interestingly, the expression of anger may be totally culturally contextual anyway.  In our culture we tend to look at the expression of anger to be generally unfavorable.  In other cultures expression of anger may actually be of health benefit.  In a study by The Association for Psychological Science, they found that expression of anger in Japanese culture was associated with better biological health.  This suggests that anger isn’t necessarily positive or negative but the meaning that it is applied to it may impact the results of its expression.

This idea of exploring our anger to identify what kind of meaning we apply to it may give us another reason for self-exploration.   Certainly the negative or positive consequences of expressing anger are still being studied.  In the meantime, we do know that improving our understanding of self and how we respond and react can have a great impact on our work and home environments.





If you are curious to learn more about personal development, workplace challenges, interpersonal dynamics, goal achievement and a wide variety of other topics, sign up today! www.www.arcintegrated.com/newsletter.  It’s totally free.

You’ll also receive a FREE tip sheet with Five Strategies to Build Motivation!

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5 Strategies for Effective Boundaries in the Workplace

5 Strategies for Effective Boundaries in the Workplace

5 Strategies for Effective Boundaries in the Workplace

I was recently featured on Livestrong in an article about setting effective boundaries so that you do not become emotionally or even physically drained.  Sometimes not having clear boundaries can do this. Without good boundaries we can feel exhausted.  Since for most of us the majority of our time is spent at work, I wanted to elaborate on how to set effective boundaries in the workplace.

Having clear workplace boundaries not only impacts you, but all those you work with as well.  Having clear boundaries in the workplace helps to improve productivity, decrease stress, helps foster good relationships and improves motivation.   Although setting boundaries is complicated based on the nature of the work and relationship, a study that examined boundary setting in the workplace found that evaluating and setting boundaries did in fact impact relationships.  According to The University of California San Francisco, when boundaries are clear organizations work more efficiently and groups within work more productively.


5 strategies for effective boundaries in the workplace


  • Responsibility – Having a clear idea of roles and responsibility is crucial in a work environment. If this is unclear, then meeting with co-workers and supervisors may be important for clarification in order to understand who is responsible for what.


  • Self-Care Self-care may not seem as obvious when looking at boundary setting. However, this is more of a preventative measure.  It is easy to become unclear about where appropriate boundaries should be when we are run down, stressed out, irritable or overwhelmed.  Having good self-care practices will allow us to not only function at peak level but also remain clearer about where appropriate boundaries should be.


  • It’s not Personal – Remaining aware that work relationships may differ from personal relationships is an important perspective to hold. This doesn’t mean that there is not a certain level of familiarity or closeness with those you work with.   Some decisions in a work environment may be out your control.  In addition, there may be decisions that are made that don’t make sense due to components that you be unaware of or are not privileged to know.  Just like in all relationships – learning to not take things personally can be a game changing perspective to hold and a way to reduce stress and anxiety.


  • Clear and Friendly Communication – Setting clear boundaries does not mean needing to be dry, cold disconnected from your fellow co-worker. In fact, having a positive friendly attitude can generally impact the environment in a great way.   Remember that there can be a balance between clear boundary and a friendly, positive attitude.


  • Be the Leader – In an environment of unclear boundaries there is an opportunity. This opportunity is for someone to establish a leadership role and be a model for how to set clear boundaries of relationship and responsibility.  We always have the option of being in a position of either following the trend or stepping up as a leader, regardless of our position in any environment.


How else have you been able to set clear boundaries in the workplace?